technology gap

so i haven't been blogging consistently. there have been plenty of times i have a thought that is followed by I'd like to write a blog on that but the lack of accessibility to internet and ample unstructured time to write contemplatively. its probably for the better so people don't think doesn't she have anything better to do with her time?

to add a note about the previous entry promoting our annual polar bear swim... after I read the proposal i was in line with just doing it, taking the plunge. but the day came, they broke the ice and the voice of reason set in and i just laughed at the absurdity. my coworker answered the question well. "Are you going to do the polar bear swim?" His answer, "No, I'm not stupid." :)

its unbelievable and down right tiring the weighing of options that go on in my head surrounding some decisions. To keep or not to keep internet access or my phone, for instance. I don't own my own computer. I should invest in a laptop but that has an intimidating initial investment cost. But morally I 'should' because using my computer at work for anything personal is sin. Is it unforgivable to continue abusing knowingly even though I can come up with my own justifications and convince the majority of people (minus the person who deemed it an abuse) that my misuse is understandable? Even if I'd purchase a laptop, to use it at home would require purchasing a land line. Which is dumb because it would be slow, i.e. Frustrating. I could just use the ancient dial-up but you can't download or send out attachments to or from and the time I waste rotting sitting waiting for my email to download could be spent at the gym, which I did decide to pay for. Keeping the internet on my phone makes for a pricey monthly cell phone bill. And I can't even download things on to that. Its more the desire to be connected and be able to check email and facebook. And the access to wikipedia to be a temporary hero by finding the answer of the occasional random questions people ask at parties. Why isn't there just a big break through for high speed internet at camp? Is our faith not big enough? Do I need to character building that comes through the patience testing trial I find myself in? Is this to figure out where my priorities lie and addictions that ensue? Gaps in technology...