what's on my mind

Dread isn't quite the word in mind but something akin to it is. I just don't quite have the exact word. No matter, the issue is my upcoming birthday. Ever since I was 14 I really liked the age I was. When the next age would come around I was ok with it and felt like I enjoyed where I was and didn't focus on what was to come. Even turning 16, while driving was on my mind a lot, I didn't count down the days to it. (It helped that my b-day was early fall and before a lot of my friends birthdays. They were all anxious to turn 16 and start driving. I may have rubbed it in that I was older but just to be a tease.) Fast forward 14 years and I'm again the one turning a big number before them. Only this time, they aren't jealous of me. Haha. Yup, that's rights, I'm turning 30 the end of September.

I've asked my older friends how they handled this milestone. So far no one has had real encouraging advice. It seems this crux is a common difficulty for my circle of American friends. I started looking on the web to see what's out there about turning 30 and found a few funny blogs. Taking the idea from one uber optimist, here's a modified list of 30 reasons why turning 30 is going to be ok.

My list:

1. I get to be the "young one" playing over 30 soccer. (My friends have been knocking at my door for their over 30 teams for at least half a year!)
   
2. I get to check a new age group box on forms.
3. I get to say, “I remember when I was in my 20s”.
4. It is a milestone birthday.
5. I have something to blog about
6. It's a good topic of conversation, at least with my elders. Those younger than me just rib me and make me feel old.
   
7. I get 10 years to prepare for turning 40.
8. I get to take the time to look at a new vision for my 30s.
9. I have stopped trying to find myself and started enjoying just being myself (this started over a year ago but still applies).
10. Be thankful that I still feel like I am in my prime of life physically. At least my high school soccer players make me look good. I hear that you hit your prime in your 30's for numerous things (physically). I may need to take up some new hobbies.
11. My birthday cake will be nice & bright and require a fire extinguisher to put out. That'll be a proud moment
    
12. I have great experiences from my past and I get to add new ones!
13. I can celebrate BIG for this birthday.
14. I have years to get use to being called Lady or Ma'am.
15. When I get carded it is a compliment instead of them not thinking I am old enough.
16. All the life lessons I learned in my 20s, I can now apply to my life.
17. Don’t have to worry about turning 30 because I will be.
18. Get to read all the self help books about surviving your 30’s and nod in agreement with them.
19. Do not have to do it alone since many of my friends have turned or will be turning 30 with me.
20. A major birthday like 30 means better presents!
21. 30 is the new 20.
22. People naturally take you more seriously when you are in your 30s.
23. You get to smile when people can not believe you are 30.
24. No longer have to struggle to be an adult because you have years of practice.
25. Be proud that I still have not gotten any gray hairs!
    
26. When I was younger 30 was OLD, now I feel 30 is young.
27. I don't need to wait for Santa to bring me a wii, I can go get my own.
28. I maybe turning 30 but I will still always be the youngest in my family.
29. Turning 30 makes you appreciate your 20’s
    
30. There is only one option to not turning 30, that is death. I say, “Welcome 30!"

win-win

It's nice when something works out for the better for more than one party. Someone familiar with camp commented that this place (where I'm now living) needed someone like me to spruce it up on the outside. So it's like we needed each other. I needed something to look after and improve and it needed someone, period. Most of the time it was vacant or only occupied on an 'as needed' basis so it was slipping into disrepair. It needed a good bath. check. The roof needed a sweep & gutters had little plants growing in them. check. The steps to the front door and back deck were so icky they were slippery & green. check. The aroma that hits you in the face is stale must (not the good, cabin must, haha). work in progress. Roof still needs re-pitched, I've got plants & flowers to plant and I just started washing the windows outside but its coming along.

I'm even ok with the quirkiness of it. The dryer just started acting up, letting the laundry kick the door open which shuts it off. Makes it pretty tough to get anything dry when it shuts off after 30 seconds. I've resorted to shoving a folded up piece of newspaper in the door which seemed to do the trick. The dishes may pile up (it does help when I know I have company coming) and clothes need to be folded but all in my time. In turn, I have lovely little tin can to call home. Stop on over for a visit (try to hit me up after I've stocked up on groceries though so I can feed you something)!

the new beau

So Friday I moved from an apartment on camp to a mobile home... still on camp. It was not a big distance but it was still a move... clean the new place, pack all my junk, load the vehicles, stack everything in piles with great help from great friends, clean the old place and begin to settle in.

As I was scrubbing the floor tonight I likened my new location much like a new dating relationship, only the feelings are a bit reversed. I was saddened when I found out my location was going to change. Typically one wants their relationship status to go from single to a big red heart accompanied by the word "in". I tried to have a good attitude, keep the big picture in mind and trust that the Lord would give me grace to face the change.

Next came the stress of packing, humility in asking for help, lots of cleaning (which I credit the majority of to my dear helpers!). A new relationship will go smoother with lots of 'cleaning'... of attitude to put someone else before you, of heart to allow them to see your motives, dirty as they can be, of vulnerability which is never easy. Figuring out the new relationship and how important it will be in your life is stressful.

My enthusiasm increased as my perspective increased. Sub-conscience desires are attainable. I realized the move would mean I would have a place to myself, something I didn't know I'd been wanting. Having a roommate (or a few) is great but when your roommate changes 5 times in 5 years, it gets tiring adjusting and transitioning to figure out a new system that works for you both. My trailer will be mine; I won't have to keep my things from inconveniencing someone else or explain why I do what I do, I can just live how I want. In dating, I hear you realize just how self centered you are. Yet you also see your ability to share your life with someone as they share their life with you. As you get to know that person you come to appreciate characteristics you may not have known were important to you and new things become special to you. Every new partner is a brand new experience.

Now that I am here I'm happier than I expected! I've got Jesus in my heart so I always have JOY - knowing that everything that happens will eventually be for good. But as I started to make this place my home, my shelter, my safe place, I felt really happy and truly thankful. God knew what He was doing opening up this change and as I experience it, I'm happy deep down inside.

I'm spending all my spare time thinking about what needs to be done and with the new place. I get both excited and overwhelmed by it all. I feel like I'm in it to see it through, however long the Lord allows me. Hope I can keep the motivation going because my list is soooo long right now. I'm trying to enjoy the journey and be realistic that it can't all happen right away but instead to cherish the moments and be happy with progress in steps. And just put up with the inconveniences... like banging my shins on boxes, not knowing where my scissors are and rooting through 5 boxes until I find that shirt.

Maybe I'll post pix.... But for now, I am going to go spend more time with the new love of my life. :)