the 'why' behind what I do

So the 4th(?) annual Young Adult Retreat hosted by Camp Hebron happened December 16-18, 2011. I am so thankful to report that there are a number of things to share that made me remember the "why" behind what I do, or attempt to do.

What I attempt to do with planning retreats is create an atmosphere that encourages people to 'connect with God, nature and each other' (thank you Camp Hebron tagline).

This year's retreat started out quite normal: frustrating. Three weeks out there were whole 5 people signed up. Great. At that point I start to decide if I commence nagging every young adult I know constantly, cancel the event, pout, or pray and have faith and stop worrying. Well, I only had faith in spurts (thanks to supportive friends who reminded me to do so) but the event was not cancelled. I am so glad.

My new friend Winnie found the event online last year and organized their church's young adult group from Philly. What a God-send. True to human nature, I worried about this too. I'm so white and despite not attending a Mennonite church, quite Mennonite too. I planned a retreat I thought sounded fun and good and was concerned if the weekend would feel relevant to city folk. Just because the Lord doesn't answer my worries, I mean prayers, like I want him to doesn't warrant this poor showing of faith. THANKFULLY, He is faithful and continues to work whether I'm Little Miss Believer or not.

The weekend seemed ordained for this group of 14.
First, we moved the whole retreat down the hill (since the dining hall in the youth camp area was getting an upgrade I didn't know about) to the retreat center. My new friends could have handled walking in the dark, cold winter woodlands well enough but its so nice they didn't have to since everything was in one building.
Second, the Lord is strong in their lives, drawing them into his presence, revealing in deeper ways the gifts he's given them and calling them to live for him out loud every day. Some of them were up until 4 am the first night just talking about how Awesome God is and what he's doing in their lives.

The next night I sat with them to hear what they were talking about and it was more of the same, how the Lord was becoming real, fresh and challenging each other to be willing to live and die for him. whoosh. I don't know many people who sit around and talk about that. SWEET. Create a space to connect with God and each other - check!

Special thanks to Kelly and team for leading worship. Wasn't nearly long enough. :) Josef was on target and relevant and captivating (the German accent helped - I just dig accents... except when you can't understand them and experiencing major jet lag...). Thanks to everyone who came expecting. Expecting fun. Willingness to meet new people. Experiencing relaxation, conversations, laughter. Ahh and a bonfire complete with impromptu accapella Christmas caroling. There was even an ER visit. Haha, ok. It happens.

God is good. And as I sit in a corner at Panera typing this, I just saw a high school aged kid fold his hands and pray for his meal. Love it.

Special Announcements at Christmas

I'm so happy for all the people who have gotten engaged over Christmas!!! Oh... wait a minute... no, I'm not. Jealous. Ah yeah, that's a bit more accurate.

'long' distance

there are quite a few times I get a thought and think "that could make a good blog entry". But its usually just that - a thought. One thought. Not an eloquent speech. Not a piece of writing that a teacher would approve with complete thesis statement, plot, build up, 3 main points, climax, supporting data or summary statement. A sentence hardly seems worth writing.

That, and I tell myself to just stay busy living life. I would like to think I have such a scheduled, always exciting life going here, there and everywhere that I simply don't have time to blog. If you assumed that is why I lack in regular entries, good, I want you to think that. I must admit though you would be mistaken.

Take today for example. Got up at 8 am. Got fancied up for church (mind, I work at a camp so its nice to have an excuse to look like I care about my appearance every once in awhile), packed a change of active clothes not knowing what the afternoon would bring, snarfed 1/2 bagel, manned the Welcome Center at church, listened to a sermon about what generosity should look like and what our hearts, sadly, don't show through our [lack of] actions. Wandered around between services looking for people to connect with and talk to without much luck. My change of clothes found their way back home with me to a simple life. I started to scroll through my phone numbers to see if anyone stood out as someone I should call to hang out with but 300 is a lot to sort through so I focused on lunch.

I posted on facebook 'anyone want to watch Elf?' It did get comments and likes throughout the day but no one read the pathetic-ness in my post which was really a cry for someone to reach out to me and hang out! I could have been more straight forward and added 'call me' but wanted to sound more indifferent about it. Oooooooooooooohhhhh well.

Ended up playing a LOT of spider solitaire (my new obsession), stalking on facebook, reading emails (too lazy to respond just yet....), cleaned my bathroom thoroughly (yay!), emptied out my coaching bag, whipped out some icing for cookies made yesterday, wrapped a Christmas present, drug my booty to the gym to burn off 500 calories of the way more calories I consumed of aforementioned cookies, and... prayed and pined for fellowship.

This is screaming of loneliness. Honestly, I'm not lonely, I had a quaint day at home. I kept in mind that come January (a.k.a. retreat season non-stop) I will yearn for such a day. I am thankful for today's simplicity. But why couldn't I spend part of it in deep prayer, digging in God's word, run outside during working up a healthy sweat? Or why didn't I call someone?

I wonder if people I've been hanging out with the past year are friends mostly just because its been convenient. I've felt this a few times in my life when I have expected more kindness and commitment to be shown to me through making an effort to see/spend time with me not be met because it wasn't as convenient for them as other friendships or activities. It's never a welcome experience especially because my personality type cares a ton about relationships. Not that I have to have a ton of relationships, but that the ones I do I care about, invest in and desire mutual respect, response & care. When I take the time to open up my home and invite others to come it's tough not to interpret their responses of "I'm not up for the drive", "I haven't decided yet [read: waiting to see if something better comes up]", "sounds fun/I really want to but..." to really be saying "You're not that important to me." Ouch. Especially when I put out some feelers asking if anything was going on and not too much was pre-planned. Those who did end up coming drove farther than the group I've spent way too much time driving to see. I probably won't too quickly forget but I'll get over it and forgive. Sigh.

Here's to quiet reflective days.